i meant to post this yesterday, friday. but here goes anyway.
i’ve decided to leave my job. it’s a little strange to be arriving at this decision after having such a delightful day at work. i used to imagine that i’d leave when i was at the height of my stress and crying all the time. i mean, there was a time when i was super-stressed the moment i walked in the door. and there was also a moment when i cried in the bathroom after ana v told me my arms were hairy. my sisters hope and jennifer used to tell me the same thing when i was younger, and it’s just one of those ridiculous things that can bring me to tears when i’m already having a hard day, even as an adult. ana v and i have since made up, and i think i’ll miss her. i wouldn’t say we’re close but i know alot about her personal life, and vice-versa. i find that we’re in a complain-encourage relationship. it makes me feel good to build up her confidence and self-esteem 4 times a week. i mean what i say when i tell her that things will work out, and i think that if everyone spent a little less time on themselves and more time encouraging other people, we’d all be a little happier.
i only had one table argue with me on where i sat them, and only one waitress accidentally charged the wrong amount on a credit card. besides, it was my favorite waitress, leah, and i can never be mad at her. the air conditioner worked beautifully. no clogged toilets. the busboys were all on time, and the kitchen guys didn’t yell at me. not one time. and yet, i’ve decided to leave. i’ve been here since last october, almost a year, and never thought i’d be here so long. i’m glad i was. it’s been the ultimate development course for me. the quick temper, short patience stem, and feisty talker had to die. the understanding boss, the gentle leader, and the patient listener were born.
PEACE. i feel so much peace about leaving that it’s making me a little loopy. i know, i know. you’re thinking that’s weird. and it is. it’s just that i’m not used to praying about a problem–in this case, wanting to know when i should leave this job as a restaurant manager and pursue other things that i’m passionate about– getting an answer, and then following through on it. i am abraham! i am abraham, leaving my tent in the desert for unchartered territory, with only His voice to lead me. i’m used to praying. i’m used to answers. but being given a date by Abba to leave, and deciding to follow through on the plan is a whole new ball game. i usually rely on dramatic situations to be the reason i leave something, or i sign up for things that MUST end, e.g. a theatre show. at some point, you know it’s going to be over. but this is the first job i’ve left where nothing is wrong, i’m content enough, and i like (most of) the people i work with. so while i have peace and confidence that everything will work out when i leave, the one thing, the ONE question i don’t want anybody to ask me–most of all Sonya, my direct boss whose baby i will miss being born– is “Where are you going to work now?”
because i don’t know. i mean, i know! i know i have a job coming. i just don’t have the exact title, or place, or any concrete details about it just yet. but i know it’s coming. because why would i have peace about leaving my current job and be taking a step of faith only to have things crumble beneath me? God said i’ll have a new job, so i’m gonna have a new job. that little voice of doubt tries to speak, and i duct-tape her mouth shut. you know what this feeling is like? it’s like…
it’s like calling the most popular restaurant in town– forgive the example, i’m knee-deep in restaurant life right now– and being told that they’re booked for the next month. you keep calling, waiting patiently without complaint, hoping to get that reservation for you and your guy/gal on a friday night. finally, they tell you they have an opening. so you show up in your best clothes. you have a reservation for 8pm. as you walk up the steps to the hostess stand, you can’t help but notice that this place is packed. this place is at full capacity. ‘I have a reservation’, you remind yourself. ‘The person on the other end said to be here at 8pm’. you stand there at that hostess stand, at 7:58, like you’re supposed to, wondering when your table will open. they’ve got 2 minutes to seat you. after all, this restaurant has a huge reputation, and they always seat people on time. they’ve got 2 minutes, but you just don’t see any way you’ll be seated if every table is occupied. the “Please Wait To Be Seated” sign stares back at you.
if you’re following my long-winded metaphor, you’ll realize that the restaurant is God. the reservation is what He told me to do. and the table is my new job. i know He’ll open a door to a new, exciting opportunity, but i don’t know exactly what it will be. i don’t see any ‘tables’ opening up, and it’s almost 8pm. it’s almost time for me to tell sweet danny and his father, bari, that i’m leaving. and when i do, it will be too late to go back. i’ll be without the old job, and i’ll need a NEW job. so…my only choice is to continue believing. and to enjoy every moment with these crazy girls and guys that have become some of my unlikeliest comrades. all i can do, all i’ve chosen to do beyond believing, is to simply enjoy the time i have left here. i’ve invited a few more people to join me at Church in a few weeks, and i’ll probably make more of an effort to hang out outside of work before i go.
besides that, i had an audition yesterday. i haven’t been putting any effort into being an actress since figuring out it isn’t my ultimate destiny. but after a multi-month halt to auditions, i was excited to get back in front of a casting director. it was for dr. miracles, the african-american hair/skin line. you know the one, they’ve got those commercials with the black girls screaming about nappy hair. i wasn’t sure if i was going in for the pre or post nappy hair example, so i curled my hair the best i could and it came out great. i was quite pleased with the look and the acting i did. i’m the harshest judge of my performances, so believe me when i say i nailed it. at the least, i expect somebody from one-on-one productions to call up abrams agency and demand to know why they haven’t seen me before. i ended up falling into a heavy sleep when i came home, after stuffing myself full of leftover spaghetti. i make terrific spaghetti, you should know. but i slept so well that i woke up sweating, and hence, all the curls were gone.
what we’re left with is a ponytail with slightly frizzy ends. i put some hair serum on it last night, and it’s wearable again. i love to slick my hair back. and i love to wear dresses from j crew. brandon caught me on his way back from picking up mcdonald’s breakfast (for himself), just before i left the house. “You look great baby”, he said. “Really? Because you didn’t like it when we were in the store. You really like it?” “Yeah…I wanna do you in it.” for an un-married couple attempting to date the old-fashioned way, yet eager to do intimate things in the dark the way other couples do, this is the HIGHEST compliment he can currently pay me. when he says he wants to ‘do’ me in something, it’s a piece of clothing i secretly vow to keep forever. but what i love more than slicked back hair and j crew dresses and compliments, is to make the best of a long weekend. i’m beginning to love to get dolled up once again, and i’ve decided to celebrate. even the ordinary days and the ordinary weekends are worthy of celebrating.
it’s labor day weekend folks. and every year i swear i’m going to a tropical island for the next labor day weekend. and every year i’m in the city. but this year, i’ve got peace about it.
Written to: Shekinah Glory “Yes”; Miley Cyrus “The Climb”