I sat in the subway this morning, and I watched as a wide woman made her way down the platform in a sequined top. “It’s too hot for all those sequins” was the first thought that went through my mind. The second was “Why is she so angry?” She cursed her way to the opposite end of the narrow sidewalk, mad about someone bumping her the moment she descended from the escalator.
It made me so mad. It made me so…mad. I was so angry at her for making the rest of us angry when we were at peace.
Last Sunday I looked up at the ceiling while I laid in bed and called my Mom. We got past the heartfelt holiday talk, and were close to hanging up when she started to tell me about moving my sister home for the summer. They moved her furniture out of the dorm, into a car, and three hours south until school starts again. My nephew was there to help. I hadn’t asked about him in so long. In so…long. He’s only 15. He’s out of jail she told me. He will be on trial soon. She thinks she can pull some strings. He says he’s innocent. Just a bystander in the car. Not actually guilty of robbery.
He doesn’t seem innocent. I hear it in her voice. It sounds frustrated. But he’s only 15. How can you be declared guilty at 15? Life is just starting. You are innocent are you not? Ignorant, not yet ready for the real world. Just innocent.
I wasn’t in the mood to deal with anything that I deemed petty after hanging up with her. I could’ve cared less about my job’s million dollar fundraiser, my upcoming auditions, forgetting to buy toiletries from Duane Reade. He’s only 15.
Not one, but two people rubbed me the wrong way shortly after that. Now I didn’t put on my sequin top and make it known to the world. But I thought about those moments this morning. She was angry. Someone bumped her, and she got angry, but what happened before that I’ll never know.
You never know what people are dealing with. So be kind.
Does anyone have a baby or a dog that I can borrow? I’m going to a music festival this weekend, and being around people with babies and dogs makes me want a baby and a dog even more. I will feed him/her, and be responsible. Some days you want to be free and listen to the Foo Fighters. And sometimes you desperately want something to care for.
Written to: Donny Hathaway “A Song For You”; Muse “Butterflies and Hurricanes”; Donna Summer “Love To Love You Baby”