What I Did For the Last 4 Weeks

 

This is me apologizing to you. This is me sending you a text message asking if I can come over tonight, and then showing up to your house extremely nervous you won’t be ready to talk. This is me standing on your stoop with one hand nervously tapping my thigh and the other hidden behind my back. This is me smiling at you when you open the door, shoving a bouquet of flowers into your chest, and hoping you’ll forgive me. Oh blog, I have missed you so much and I’m so sorry I didn’t write sooner.

The past 4 weeks have felt uneventful, but it appears they were THE BUSIEST WEEKS EVER. And of course I’m exaggerating, but seriously, something must have been happening because I didn’t have time – or let’s be real, wasn’t motivated – to encourage and share and minister with written words. And what better passion is there?

None, of course. So it’s clear I was abducted by aliens. And in between space exploration here’s what I think accounts for me not answering emails or phone calls, not checking my bank account*, and being absent for so long. In no particular order, I:

1. Started a new role at work. It’s not a promotion, per se, but it’s a change that I desperately wanted. I am so lucky to have not one, but two fantastic bosses, and I think both of them are cultivating talents I didn’t know I had—talents that will be of value when I’m no longer here. If you don’t know how to ask for free things, order an egg salad sandwich at any point in the day, and hold your own no matter who’s in the room, then you ain’t ready. I’m learning. I’m nodding when I don’t understand what’s being talked about. I’m keeping positive. But what I’m not doing is keeping cool. As it turns out, my new desk is situated in the corner of the office and it’s bathed in sunlight. I’m pretty sure I saw heat rays rising up from my computer screen earlier this week.

2. Listened to the masses. I’ve taken your advice and I’m going to begin producing videos at the end of this month! I found a filmmaker who already feels like family, and he totally gets it when I say, “Just come over and let’s see what happens when I open my mouth and my Bible.”

3. Stopped a thief. There was fraudulent activity on one of my debit cards*, and the thief would have been able to get away with more had he not tried to charge something for one dollar. I may be terrible about keeping cash in my purse, but I ain’t too proud to beg for a dollar from a perfect stranger if I find myself strapped for money in a store. The random web purchases in New Mexico failed to catch my attention. The small chunk of change from Lousiana never even crossed my mind. But a dollar?! Oh heck no.

4. Lost all of my fantasy football games. I never have time to check the games and change players. Even when Brandon reminds me to do so I just shrug it off. I think this is my last year participating. Things were much simpler when I thought of them all as being sweet, young, nice boys.

5. And lastly, we have a new visitor.

We have gotten quite accustomed to having semi-permanent guests, and I find myself going through the same speech, the same routine. I wash sheets, mop floors, and cook the same dish for their first night. The same white wine is set out with it. Going forward I will just start placing the following note on their pillow tops and save myself some work:

Welcome.

 As your hosts, we hope you will find our humble abode to your liking. You could have chosen to stay anywhere, but you picked us, your newlywed, unorganized friends. By now you’ve noticed that our coffee table is a large, blue Rubbermaid bin—for God’s sake, don’t open it—and still, you’ve decided this is the place for you. That makes us feel good.

Feel free to use your keys and travel at your convenience. Our guest bedroom is all yours, and we’ll never go in unless we have to kick the router during an internet fail. We do ask that you refrain from bringing guests without first checking with us, as we both tend to walk about in our underwear and/ or plastic caps on our heads when conditioning our hair.

We encourage you to eat anything in the refrigerator, and hope you won’t mind that we are terrible about refilling the Brita water pitcher. The same goes for the television. Our remote, is your remote. It is our sincere hope that you have access to Netflix or HBO Go, because we failed to buy into either.

Quality reading material has been provided free of charge and can be found next to your bed, I mean really nice air mattress. There is a book by my favorite author, David Sedaris. And a Bible worn with love. David Sedaris is an atheist so please include him in your bedtime prayers.

Tonight’s dinner is Chicken Mirabella. Feel free to ooh and aah over the expensive organic olives and capers we have fought over in the grocery store. I won. Because I care about your health.

And speaking of health, you cannot have any of Brandon’s protein shake mix. No one can, it’s not personal. You can, however, listen to the piercing scream of blender blades as he whips up a new one every single morning.

In parting, weary traveler, we are so prayerful about every person we bring under our roof (which might leak if we have another hurricane). And so it is our belief that you belong here. And we will do our best to be living apostles of God’s love. May you leave in better condition than you came.

Warmly,

Brandon and Jasmine

 

 

More to come. More to do.

 

 

* Your mother was right. You should balance your check book every Sunday.

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