When we were younger we learned that water exists in three different states: we have liquid water which we drink and bathe in, solid frozen ice, and a mysterious gas better known as steam. I have always enjoyed this matter about matter, and I use it quite frequently to teach on the concept of God existing as Himself, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. (God shows up whether you’re hot or cold to Him, folks.)
So about water…
Water fell from the sky (we call it snow) and onto our City again yesterday. But on an elevator ride from the 9th to the 1st floor, I decided not to go home and to instead drag the Lazy Beast who lives inside me out to pasture and kill it. It was lying in an imagined bloody mess in the building’s lobby, and I was on my way to the gym when I got stuck behind an older handicapped woman.
It was hard to tell why she was handicapped, but she walked with a limp and it caused her long coat to flirt with dirty slush on the ground. I tried getting around her, but puddles on either side of her were so large I would have dirtied my pants. So I slowed my pace and took slow-moving steps at exactly the same time she did. She hit a patch of solid water (otherwise known as ice) and skidded just a bit, but regained her balance and kept going. She looked to her left and right to see what was near that could possibly steady her, but life was passing by too quickly. Too many people in a hurry. Including me.
The rhythm of her walk had a great beat to it. One foot dragging and another foot stomping. One foot dragging and another foot stomping. From the back, she looked like a backup dancer in “Thriller”, fresh out of the grave and headed straight for Michael Jackson.
Well finally I couldn’t take it anymore, so I decided to cut her off at the corner and move around her. I got right up on her butt, then parallel, and then one step ahead when I heard the drag, stomp stop. And I heard her falling. And then she shouted, “WHO ‘DA HELL KICKED ME?”
I was still turning around as people let out gasps at the sight of this handicapped woman landing on her butt in the street – oh God, she was covered in every state of water – and then more gasps erupted as cars came to a screeching halt. People were making a blockade at the corner, like a human fence, while others were dropping Whole Foods grocery bags to pick her up and all the time she was yelling “WHO ‘DA HELL KICKED ME?”
I knew I would be accused so I did what any person in my shoes would by yelling “YEAH, WHO KICKED HER?” and then darting across the street before the crosswalk light betrayed me. I made it safely to the other side, and I’m happy to report that no one else fell and I successfully completed a long run on the treadmill.
When they reported that our office building’s water would be shut off and the office was closing early today, I did not complain but instead took it to mean that I had the afternoon to run some vital errands. So off to the salon where waxing takes place I went, all the while thinking that water had once again affected my day more than usual.
I entered the salon, took my clothes off in a private room, and laid down for a painful 15 minutes of waxing. I like this place because of its cleanliness, cheap prices, and ultimately because the Eastern European women do their best to make conversation between them and a naked stranger seem utterly normal. She pulled at strips of waxy cloth while I reacted with clenched hands and a scrunched up face, asking about my plans to travel. I told her we were planning to escape the snow in a month or so for our anniversary. She nodded in an understanding way, mumbling about the terrible storm conditions that are heading our way this weekend.
In her thick European accent she said, “We are all suffering in this weather.”
“I know,” I replied.
She positioned her hands on my hips. “Yesterday I saw, how do you call it? A handicap person. She fall in the street.”
And as she ripped another piece of cloth off, I winced. And a small drop of liquid (or what could have been a tear) formed at the bottom of my eye.